Wrestling With God

Give me an undivided heart, Lord! Destroy my fleshly desires, put my compromise to death! Precious Jesus, I long for you to be the only occupant of my heart, but there are so many distractions. Every time I try to enter into fellowship with You my heart is not in it. God, forgive me!! Time with You has become a chore. I find so little pleasure in it and find my heart, my thoughts wandering to things much less important. I have made my feelings more important than steadfast obedience to You. I have let the distance that You have put between us become an excuse for laziness and lack of zeal. I am not wrestling as I should. My armor of God has been left untouched, collecting dust. The enemy is sifting me and I am not withstanding. Abba Father, break me!!! Undo me, Lord!! Shatter my pride, my arrogance, my deceit! Help me, dear Savior, to completely surrender to You. Come close, oh God! Let me feel Your presence! Give me strength to carry on.

That was a prayer from my journal. I wanted to share it with you before I continue. Reread it. Let it settle. Are you feeling the same way?

I have felt a distance between myself and my Lord for quite sometime now. I can’t remember the last time I have spoken heart to heart with Him. My prayers are filled with questions, “Lord, what is between us? Why this distance? Have I unconfessed sins? Have I idols before you? Am I not as dedicated to the Word and prayer as I should be?” I have not yet gotten answers. I feel like Jacob in the wilderness wrestling with God. It has been all night, and dawn is quickly approaching and I have still not received what I want, “I won’t let go until you bless me.”

So be it, Lord. I won’t let go.

 

In Christ Alone ~EleyanaFaith

His Steadfast Love Endures Forever

I wept upon the floor. My sobs could not be contained. Guilt convicted me, and yet…I knew…and so while sobbing I would repeat:

Thank you…thank you so much.

This is the AMAZING reality Christians!! Even when we sin we are white as snow, because when He died on the tree this was His almighty decree…

Forgiven.

Righteous.

Holy.

I was so nervous about what I knew I had to do. I had sinned against someone and I had to confess to them.

I had confessed to God and hoped that was enough, but then God asked me to confess to the person I had sinned against. “Nope,” was my answer. I was guilty, and my guilt ruined my peace. I knew that God had forgiven my original sin, but now I had another sin to repent of…having an idol.

I held this person’s opinion above God’s. I was more worried about what they thought about me, than what God thought about me.

And now, at a worship service I wept with sorrow that I had done so. I was ready to repent, and I felt God’s love flood down upon me.

A pair of hands touched me and I heard muddled prayer from behind. I just kept sobbing, lying prostrate before the Lord. After about ten minutes, I wiped the tears away and faced the woman behind me.

Compassion filled her eyes as she asked, “Are you okay.” The next ten minutes were spent with me confessing to a sister in Christ, and following that I was able to confess to the one I had sinned against.

How much healing is in confession!! And even more so repentance!!

“Confess your sins one to another, that you may be healed…” (James 5:16)

I was overwhelmed with joy, and so I opened my Bible.

Before I go on I must say this; God is AMAZING!!

I didn’t happen to have my Bible with me at the time so I had to use the Bible app on my iPod. I clicked to open it and was expecting to wait awhile as the home page loaded. My plan was just to click on the verse of the day which is always displayed at the top of the home page. But instead of opening to the homepage it opened to Psalm 100.

HIS STEADFAST LOVE ENDURES FOREVER.

Those five words were displayed on my tiny screen bigger than life.

I don’t know if I can explain how precious this little miracle was, because it is hard to grasp if you have never opened the Bible app on my iPod. All I can really say is that there is no way that my iPod would ever do that on its own. The app would never just open to that psalm unless I had been reading it recently, and I had not been reading it recently. This was purely the hand of God.

I had to smile.

Then I said to myself, “Wow! God must be trying to tell me something.”

How loving our Father is!! He cares so much about His little children. Our faith is so small, yet He is ever patient and ever faithful. He gives us the little boosts of faith we need, even if they seem like the most trivial things in the world.

This incident is ever so dear to my heart. It has been a little more than a month since it happened, yet I am still thinking about it.

Oh this gracious gift from my loving Father!! Surely, HIS STEADFAST LOVE ENDURES FOREVER!!

 

Psalm 100: HIS STEADFAST LOVE ENDURES FOREVER

Make a joyful noise to the LORD, all the earth!

Serve the LORD with gladness!

Come into his presence with singing!

Know that the LORD, he is God!

It is he who made us, and we are his;

we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture.

Enter his gates with thanksgiving,

and his courts with praise!

Give thanks to him; bless his name!

For the LORD is good;

his steadfast love endures forever,

and his faithfulness to all generations.

 

In Christ Alone ~EleyanaFaith