Wrestling With God

Give me an undivided heart, Lord! Destroy my fleshly desires, put my compromise to death! Precious Jesus, I long for you to be the only occupant of my heart, but there are so many distractions. Every time I try to enter into fellowship with You my heart is not in it. God, forgive me!! Time with You has become a chore. I find so little pleasure in it and find my heart, my thoughts wandering to things much less important. I have made my feelings more important than steadfast obedience to You. I have let the distance that You have put between us become an excuse for laziness and lack of zeal. I am not wrestling as I should. My armor of God has been left untouched, collecting dust. The enemy is sifting me and I am not withstanding. Abba Father, break me!!! Undo me, Lord!! Shatter my pride, my arrogance, my deceit! Help me, dear Savior, to completely surrender to You. Come close, oh God! Let me feel Your presence! Give me strength to carry on.

That was a prayer from my journal. I wanted to share it with you before I continue. Reread it. Let it settle. Are you feeling the same way?

I have felt a distance between myself and my Lord for quite sometime now. I can’t remember the last time I have spoken heart to heart with Him. My prayers are filled with questions, “Lord, what is between us? Why this distance? Have I unconfessed sins? Have I idols before you? Am I not as dedicated to the Word and prayer as I should be?” I have not yet gotten answers. I feel like Jacob in the wilderness wrestling with God. It has been all night, and dawn is quickly approaching and I have still not received what I want, “I won’t let go until you bless me.”

So be it, Lord. I won’t let go.

 

In Christ Alone ~EleyanaFaith

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