Now I’m Sure

“Lord, You know the deep desire, the great yearning in my heart to go on this trip. But no matter my feelings about it I do not want to go unless You will it. Lord, please make it clear to me what You want me to do. Until then, green light until You turn it red–if that be Your will.”

Over the last weeks this has been my prayer concerning my possible trip to The Philippines. I just kept praying it over and over like the thumping of my yearning heart.

Not my will.

But Yours be done.

Not my will.

But Yours be done.

I did not want to make a mistake in this, so I stepped back and watched God do–or do not–whatever He willed.

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It was three weeks after I had written my post The Philippines and I held a package in my hand from the U.S. government. I eagerly tore open the cardboard envelope and there within sat my new passport. I breathed a sigh of relief.

It had only been two weeks earlier that I had sat in the post office for the third time. Already twice I had been unable to get my passport and I was praying that this time I would not walk away empty handed. My name was called and my dad and I walked up to the desk. It all went well until the lady said, “May I have your I.D.?”

“I don’t have one,” I said. I explained further. “I’m home-schooled so I don’t have a school I.D.”

“Well then don’t you have a California I.D.?” she asked.

“No,” I said nervously.

“Well, in that case I guess you could write a statement and just explain why you don’t have one.”

She gave me a piece of paper and I wrote what she dictated then handed it to her. Once she received the paper she looked it over and said, “I hope they except it.”

That was reassuring as we payed the nonrefundable $135. Leaving the office I had prayed again, “Please Lord, bring it through.”

And here I was sitting on my couch with an answered prayer in my lap. I took it out of the envelope and opened it. As I flipped through the pages I prayed thanks to my Father.

Going to my room I put the passport in my “Philippines Folder”. It fit snugly with the other items inside. A couple cards, cash, and checks that the Lord had also provided.

I had my passport and I had $771. Only a little further until I would have the needed $1,000. I was so tickled.

A couple days later Caleb came to me and said that I needed all the money by the next day. I became a little nervous, but again put my trust in God. “Your will be done, Lord.”

My mom offered some help: “If you think you’re going to get the funding,” she said. “Then we can loan you the couple hundred you need by tomorrow and then when you get the funds you can pay us back.”

Caleb offered the same.

I declined them both. “God doesn’t need more time to get me the money,” I said. “If He wants me to go He will provide.”

The money didn’t come. The next day I still only had $771.

“Do not let your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid,” says John 14:27. I meditated on this verse.

Consistently through out this I had felt as if the Lord would be testing my faith. Almost as if He kept asking me, “Will you still trust ME?” Whenever something went awry there was an option before me. Would I still trust God in this? Or would I let my heart be troubled and take things into my own hands?

No. I would not.

And so He would ask me, “Will you still trust ME?”

And I would respond, “Yes, Lord. I still trust You.”

I said it again when the money was not there and Caleb was buying his ticket. After he had made his purchase, Caleb gave me a call.

“Guess what,” he said.


“You’re going to the Philippines.”

“What?… Why?” I asked. “How?… I mean, I don’t have the money.”

“You don’t need the money. We found super cheap tickets.”

“How much?” I asked still in shock.

“Seven-hundred-seventy,” he said. I imagined he was smiling on the other end.

“Seven-Seventy? That’s exactly what I have with only a dollar to spare.”

“I know,” Caleb said.

Tears came to my eyes. I was overwhelmed with the goodness of God. I wanted to cry for joy.

Then, I knew. And now I am sure. God’s will is for me to go and I do so with great joy, and a heart filled with praise.

The tickets are booked and we fly out on a week from tomorrow, Monday April 13th. Our return date is for Saturday May 3rd.

And something else too. Our layovers for the trip are in Seoul Korea. The very same town Pastor Lee and his baby-saving-dropbox are.


In Christ Alone~EleyanaFaith


Is there any way I could express the immense awe that permeates through my soul right now? Oh Lord, YOU ARE AMAZING!!! As I reflect on everything, every detail, the big ones I have shared here and the little ones I cherish in my heart, I cannot help but foolishly grin with complete ecstasy. I am so tickled at what You have done. All the little ways You put things into place, affirming my faith at every turn. It has been such an amazing experience and I only have more to look forward to as April 13th approaches. There is still so much to pray for, Lord. All the concerns that now arise in my heart now that I know I am going. I am apprehensive about giving up the simply comforts of my life here–running water, hot showers, good food, cozy beds, bug-free environments–even if it be for such a short time. God give me patience as I face these tiny trials, and fill me with abundant joy as I bear these simple burdens. But most of all, though, prepare my heart for what will greet me there. The dead babies on the street. The starving children. The filthy people. I have not seen anything of the like before, and I know it will shock me greatly. So Lord, I pray that You will rest Your hand upon me and overwhelm me with peace and compassion and grace. Use me to be your hands and feet in even the smallest of ways. I love You Lord!! Thank You once again for such a great blessing!!