What happened when I saw his little face and those big, round, beautiful, staring eyes?
My heart dropped.
Have you ever been in a situation where your stomach churned and twisted, just created a huge unignorable knot inside of you? When it felt like you jumped off a jagged cliff and did a plummeting?
That’s what my heart did.
How can I express my soul condition at that moment? There aren’t words to describe what I felt.
Like my heart broke within me, sending splinters through my soul?
Something like that…
I had spent two hours at The Gates of Hell, already, and if Smokey Mountain was the Gates of Hell this must be Hell itself. Satan surely had something to do with this one.
The seven-month-old baby looked dead. Looked like a skeleton taken straight out of a coffin. There was no fat, no meat, on his tiny fragile bones. Just skin stretched across his innocent body.
And his eyes, his gorgeous staring eyes. All he did was stare. He didn’t cry, didn’t laugh, didn’t smile, didn’t whine, he had been neglected so long that all he did was stare.
But despite all this… He was so beautiful!
All I could do was stare back. And a heart cry rose within me to my Father as I repeated His name,
“Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God…”
It’s all I could say in that moment. It’s all I wanted to say in that horrible curtain moment, when the strings were drawn and I faced a horror of reality.
Most people, when they see something like that, something like death incarnate, something like the straight result of vile sin, they question the goodness of God.
They question why people live like that, why there is so much poverty, so much brokenness, so much stale, ruined humanity…
But me? All that ran through my head in that still moment of an everlasting eternity was; why not me.
Why aren’t I the one running barefoot on Smokey Mountain?
Why aren’t I the one malnourished and abused?
Why aren’t I the one ignored and neglected?
And that’s when God made something very clear to me.
Always, I have heard the verses that promise us a sure purpose as God’s children. But I only ever knew them in my head.
Yes, we have a plan. Yes, we have a purpose. But none of that mattered to me.
Not until now.
Now, what I knew in my head became real in my heart.
I realized the immense privilege I have experienced in my life, the overwhelming blessing I have cherished, were all preparing me for God’s plan. That every moment from my conception has been a preparation for God’s purpose for my life.
Scripture came to mind.
The man with the talents.
I was so blessed, born and raised in a God fearing home, exposed to the depths of God’s immeasurable grace and love, saved by it when I was eight, serving Him ever since… I am the man with five talents.
And I am going to earn five more for my Master.
“From him who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.” – Luke 12:48
While this epiphany was changing my heart, I held the little baby’s hand and cried.
All I could do was cry, and in the background I heard people talking about him, retelling the baby’s story.
He was a bastard child. The illegitimate offspring of his Father’s mistress. When he was born, neither of the parents wanted the baby so they neglected it. The only care he ever got was from the staff at the Daycare. This Daycare across from Smokey Mountain. This Daycare a street away from the landfill.
John came in at that point. John is the director of Vision Help. The first words out of his mouth when he saw the baby were, “We have to do something about this.”
And he did.
Two days after I met him at the daycare, little baby Rain was at our orphanage, The house of Hope. It certainly is. Caleb came into my room after getting back from Tondo to tell me the joyous news and my heart did a facefall of worship to my King. I ran to see the baby. I got to hold him in my arms and rock his fragile self and love all over him.
I sang him to sleep.
That is the most marvelous feeling, you know? Holding a miricle in your hands, holding a life saved by God’s unfailing love in your arms.
Nothing comes close to comparing.
In Christ Alone~EleyanaFaith