Saying goodbye was hard.
It usually is.
I spent my last moments cuddling up with three sweet girls at the orphanage. They were playing a game with Jancee. He would hide somewhere, they would sneak up to his hiding place, then he would jump out and scare them. All three girls would then come screaming for protection and would collapse on me in a fit of giggles and shrieks.
One of these girls was Kristina, and she has absolutely stolen my heart.
When the taxi arrived, I walked solemnly out of that joyous home, and I thought that maybe my heart would break. My insides were turned right upside down. I got in the cab, and as we drove away, I passed the familiar sights of the neighborhood. This neighborhood I had walked through so many times holding tiny hands of little souls I loved so much. I couldn’t hold back the tears that welled up in my eyes.
Then, there was the flight home. The whole of which my heart was uneasy with leaving behind so much.
I would have stayed. If I could have I would have missed the flight and spent the rest of my life serving God in that maganda country. But I had to come home to my commitments. I had a family that wanted me back. But as much as I love my amazing family, leaving the Philippines was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. And each day that passes it becomes harder. My soul is so restless and I miss it so much.
I think I left my heart there.
On the way home I wrote a prayer to God as I considered arriving back in America. It was a discouraging prospect, certainly. And as I thought about it something a friend said to me came to mind.
“I hope God ruins America for you. I hope you become unsatisfied living here and are pushed to go somewhere else, seeking to serve God where He is most needed. And I would be fine if you died in poverty, if only I knew it was because your last breath was spent trying to help those living there.”
I don’t think he realizes how much God has ruined America for me. For years now I have been unsatisfied by it. And maybe it is because God is preparing my heart to serve Him elsewhere.
I certainly hope so.
Maybe in the Philippines. But wherever it be, if I’m serving Him like I did there I know my heart will be full. God has certainly given me a heart for missions and I am praying where exactly He will lead me to go. I am excited, if not a little impatient, to be sent off once again.
Like I’ve said so many times, in imitation of that great prophet, “Here am I. Send me.”
Here am I, fill me, send me, use me for Your glory!
In Christ Alone~EleyanaFaith