In moments of wanting to impress, I believe we all run to our phony personas of, “Look at me, I’m so great!”
To me, that means trying to appear older than I am.
A lot of people have looked down on me because of my young age. Because of this, I like to mask myself through fancy words and worldly speak. Pretending that the way I talk and act can change who I am and make me more appealing to those who are watching.
My facade moments tend to backfire on me, however.
Right when I think I’m pulling it off and, “I look so cool…” I slip upon my masquerading dress and fall clumsily to the down-to-earth reality.
Nope. I really am not that cool.
Nope. I really am not that great.
Who am I trying to impress anyway?
A moment like this happened to me in my favorite coffee shop.
After my embarrassing account, I picked myself up in shame. I hid my face under my hair and began furiously writing in my notebook.
My Bible laid open on the table and I glanced over to it. A highlighted verse captured my attention and I read it.
“For I know that my Redeemer lives, and at last he will stand upon the earth. And after my skin has been thus destroyed, yet in my flesh I shall see God, whom I shall see for myself, and my eyes shall behold, and not another. My heart faints within me!” – Job 19:25
It was a flash back to this morning in the car, praying earnestly that God would be in the forefront of my life. That He alone would be the apple of my eye.
“God, whom I shall see … and not another”
My furious writing turned into a prayer to God…
My heart is not at rest! I just did a stupidly silly thing in front of some people and I feel so anxious about it. My thoughts keep wandering to what they might now think of me. Because of it, I’m realizing how utterly proud I am. I’m trying to puff myself up into something I’m not just because of some ridiculous, vain imaginations! I’m not being humble or content in simply being who I am. I’m looking for men’s approval instead of remembering I DON’T NEED IT! You are MORE than enough for me! Help me to own that! I don’t want to get caught up in the world. I want to keep my heart fixed and stayed on you.
I began searching for more scripture to affirm me in this.
Psalm 62:11-12, “Once God has spoken; twice have I heard this; that power belongs to God, and that to you, O LORD, belongs steadfast love.”
I turned back to my note-book page.
God, I want holy blinders on. Something to protect my heart from going astray by simply glancing at the world. I want to see Your face as something so blindingly beautiful that I can’t take my heart and desire off seeking you. That I would be like a child. That nothing else would matter, because You would be worth so much more to me! That You alone would I love!
A little peace came to my heart and I was able to put my focus in place.
I found a jewel in scripture and wrote it down.
I’m planning to memorize this one… How important this is! How much I desperately want this to be true for me!…
“O God, YOU are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water. So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary, beholding your power and glory. Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you. So I will bless you as long as I live, in your name I will lift up my hands. My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food, and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips, when I remember you in the watches of the night; for you have been my help, and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy. My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me.” – Psalm 63:1-8
In Christ Alone~EleyanaFaith